If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
