he puts the penis in happiness.
high people should be assigned attendants
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
