You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
