I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
