my soul wont recognize me after tonight
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
