just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
