in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
