It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
