I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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