my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
