They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
