she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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