I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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