by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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