anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she peed on how many people?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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