I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't deserve a penis
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
