he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
we should paint friendship bongs
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
