Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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