i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My bed is full of blood and feathers
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
