just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
