My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
bring money and cleavage
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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