Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
