ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
