I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
