That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
