i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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