Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you would pick up someone in the library
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
