then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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