just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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