32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
God, I missed his penis.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
