What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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