I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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