I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize