Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I need water and some morals
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
