cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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