dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
bring money and cleavage
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
