I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
