honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize