im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
