You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
