During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
