If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
