I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
