i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
