operation have a gay friend backfired
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
