I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my shit smells like andre
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
