just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
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Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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