I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
