Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
