Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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