look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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