Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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