it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
