It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
