So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We need to get me chipped asap
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
