yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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