I am in a vortex of obligation.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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