I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
