its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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