True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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