Is it normal to miss your booty call?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
