been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
