Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I need moral support for this bender
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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