Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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