I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
