Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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