when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
