And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
