...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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