That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How external is "for external use only"?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
