i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
