They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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