Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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